tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC February 7, 2015 12:36am-1:38am EST
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that made me laugh. that was -- that made me laugh. iliza shlesinger once again. [ cheers and applause ] that was -- oh, my gosh. my thanks to jennifer lopez, anthony mackie right there, ladies and gentlemen. iliza shlesinger, once again! and the roots right there, from philadelphia! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- john oliver, from espn radio, mike greenberg, music from kid ink, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everyone! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight?
excellent, excellent. well, did anybody watch the super bowl last night? [ cheers and applause ] an amazing super bowl last evening. the new england patriots and the seattle seahawks both defeated the seattle seahawks. [ laughter ] it really was an incredible game. and even though the patriots won, you really have to hand it to marshawn lynch. you really got to hand it -- [ laughter ] to pass, to hand it to marshawn lynch. [ cheers and applause ] don't think about it. just hand it to marshawn lynch. this is pretty cool. tom brady was named super bowl mvp and was given a new chevy truck last night. >> boo! >> seth: brady -- [ laughter ] that guy hates trucks. [ laughter ] brady says the truck handles great especially after he let some air out of the tires. [ laughter and applause ] this was unfortunate.
i don't know if you heard this story. thousands of fans missed out on tickets to the super bowl because several ticket websites were selling inventory they did not actually have. it's the same thing that happens at mcdonald's if two people order salads. [ laughter and applause ] no, no, our salad -- our salad for the day is gone. i love this. last week, a medical marijuana company in seattle created a special joint, a special super bowl joint called seahawks blend. apparently, it's a really great high until the very last second. [ laughter and applause ] and then it really -- and then as the kids say, it really harshes your mellow. [ laughter ] that's what the kids are saying today.
sort of real modern terminology. this is a shame. rap mogul suge knight was arrested on murder charges last week, which i think means six more weeks of winter. [ light laughter ] right? that's what it is. if it's murder, it's six weeks of winter and then i think manslaughter is when winter's over. i hope he doesn't watch the show, i guess, would be the one thing you'd be hoping now. [ laughter ] it's cold in here. so, i definitely think it is six more weeks of winter. a little sad news. sadder. sadder than how that last joke went. [ laughter ] or as sad. you guys decide after. a little sad news, this weekend dr. carl gerasi, the creator of the birth control pill, passed away. several people forgot to go to his funeral, so they went to two
funerals the next day. [ laughter ] that's how it works. that's how it works. [ applause ] there's a new study out. we get really excited about new studies here just because, you know, you learn new things. you don't learn new things unless other people do the work of studying those things. then, they could keep it to themselves, but they don't do that. they compile it and they put it out. so anyway, one of these new studies is out. and according to a new study, one in three children in the united states have divorced parents. while the other two-thirds are the only reason their parents are staying together. [ laughter and applause ] suge knight killed that joke. [ laughter ] allegedly. allegedly, you guys. we don't know. and finally, a woman in utah gave birth to a ten-pound baby
on the side of the road while driving herself to the hospital. then, the baby drove the rest of the way. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this is the 8g band. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good to see you, 8g band. how is everyone doing over there? fred, it's so lovely to see you. i'm always so happy to see you after a weekend. everything good? >> fred: great. >> seth: that's great. and, you know, one of my favorite things about seeing you after seeing you over a weekend is i feel like not a weekend ever passes by where you're not doing something incredible. and you get to fill me in on these incredible things. the only thing i worry about, to be honest, is i feel like people who watch at home might think that you're just making these things up off the top of your head. but i know for a fact that's not true because we're really old friends and why would you lie to me? why would you think a decade or so into our friendship that there would be any reason for
you to lie to impress me? but i heard you saying this to people, that when everybody else was having a super bowl party, you do a different annual sort of, like an alternative super bowl party for people who maybe don't want to watch the game. is this true? >> fred: yes, it's a conch shell party. [ laughter ] so, we -- my friend and i have this conch shell. and we just sort of pass it back and forth to each other and it's just a celebration of the sunday. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, so it's two of you? >> fred: it's the two of us. yeah, i mean, it's my friend david and me. i wanted it to be a bigger occasion, but fewer and fewer people went, so it just ended up being the two of us. >> seth: gotcha. so, you sort of send out e-vites or whatever it is that said, "hey, don't go to the super bowl party. come to our conch shell party." >> fred: i've been trying for seven years, eight years. and at first, it was like 20 people, and then it just dwindled quickly to two. [ laughter ] you know and it was just the two of us.
>> seth: when you hand it back and forth, what do you do with it? >> fred: i don't know. it's like the celebration of the conch shell. i thought it seemed fun. >> seth: do you hold it to your ear ever? >> fred: you hold it to your ear. and i don't know if you knew, you can hear the sound of the ocean. >> seth: yeah, sure. >> fred: okay. i don't know that you know that. [ laughter ] >> seth: i know that. >> fred: okay. i didn't know if that was an inside joke or something. it sound likes the ocean when you put your ear up against it. >> seth: uh-huh. >> fred: but it's obviously not the ocean. >> seth: yeah. >> fred: and then, so in magic marker we just like write our name or just like a little memory of the year, whatever, and just pass it back and forth. >> seth: how long does this whole thing take? >> fred: this is a 12-hour ordeal. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. that's why people stopped coming, the time. that's why people stopped coming. but that's great. and maybe next year, you'll send me an invitation. >> fred: i will. >> seth: okay, great. thank you, fred. give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we have such an excellent show for you guys tonight. a couple of old friends are stopping by. the host of "last week tonight" john oliver is here. [ cheers and applause ] i can't wait to talk to him about his upcoming second season.
also joining us, co-host of espn radio's "mike and mike," mike greenberg will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to talk to him about the super bowl. i look forward to that. and we will have music from kid ink. very excited to have them here. [ cheers and applause ] so, i was in arizona this weekend. i got to go out. was at the game last night. one of the reasons i was there was i hosted "nfl honors" on saturday night, which is an awards show. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] where they give out mvp. they announce the hall of fame players, which is very exciting. and i got to do a monologue and in the monologue, i poked a little bit of fun at andrew luck and his neck beard. andrew luck, who is an incredible sport. but when i first said andrew luck's name, i screwed it up and said a different name. let's look at this clip real quick. >> seth: colts quarterback andrew law -- andrew luck is here tonight. where's andrew luck? okay, so you might have noticed i said andrew law instead of andrew luck. if you are wondering who andrew law is, or why i said that, andrew law is a writer on
our show. and so, for whatever reason, his name jumped into my head. but i think you'll understand why i would mistake him from andrew luck. let's take a look at a picture of andrew law. [ laughter ] so, a lot of similar -- andrew luck went to stanford on a football scholarship. andrew law went to yale on whatever the opposite of a football scholarship is. [ laughter ] andrew luck's still looking for his first super bowl ring. andrew law appears on hbo's "looking." true story. [ laughter ] andrew luck's father was a quarterback in the nfl for five years. and andrew law's father is a very excited julian edelman fan. let's take a look at him. there he is. [ laughter ] and we're very excited. andrew came in today with a brand new jersey, so everybody please give it up to andrew law. [ cheers and applause ]
and i should note the tag is still on that jersey because he intends to return it. [ laughter ] oh. we had a piece at the end of "nfl honors" that we didn't have time to air that we would love to show you now. we're very excited about it because it turns out, you know, there were some issues with the referees this year during the season and some calls that were maybe a little controversial. and so the nfl, very excited to announce this tonight, has come up with a new way for fans who are watching at home to play along with the referees. so, take a look. >> and now, the "nfl honors" presents "you be the ref." late in the indianapolis/washington game, andrew luck dropped back and spotted coby fleener breaking free in the secondary. when the dust settles, everyone was left asking, "was it a catch
or wasn't it?" did he have control of the ball? did he get both feet inbounds? did he complete a football move? what is a football move? if you think it was a catch, text "catch" to someone you went to high school with. [ laughter ] if you think it wasn't a catch, text "there's no way that was a catch" to your oldest living aunt. we'll be back with the answer at the end of this act. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: really exciting. really exciting. but, you guys, enough about "nfl honors." let's talk about the game. it's time for "super bowl wrap-up." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what a game last night. we had a matchup between a great defense and an unstoppable offense. a young quarterback and an aging veteran. the world's happiest coach and its grumpiest man. [ laughter ] let's start at the beginning, though. before the game, we had the
pregame show, a virtual cornucopia of essential information for football fans. just check out this clip from nbc's pregame show. >> we have gone to a wild west town, got a little dusty. we hung out with some football wives and media day. >> oh, my gosh. media day was burly. it was testosterone filled. it smelled of man. [ laughter ] >> seth: of course. if places and smells wasn't your thing and you prefer football strategy, you can always turn that time-honored pregame tradition of retired players in suits acting out plays on a tiny football field. >> i want to see if brian can make that play or if earl thomas can make that play. so, here we go. he's coming down the seam right here. you make this and you try to go after him right here and make him make that tackle. >> seth: this is what a pass would look like if there were only three players on the field and they were all the size of godzilla. [ laughter and applause ] with the pregame wrapped up, it was time for the kickoff.
new england went 17 yards in six plays, and then it was time for commercials. commercials are always a great way to take the edge off the tension of a hard-fought athletic competition. and even better, commercials are funnier than ever. just take a look at this one from nationwide insurance. >> i couldn't grow up. because i died from an accident. >> seth: [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] what? what? nationwide? who's side are you on? also, do you provide bummer insurance? because i'd love to buy a policy. thank god your ad agency doesn't do budweiser's commercials or else the horses would have been too late to save the dog. [ laughter ] dead dog? drink up. budweiser. [ laughter and applause ] but enough about the commercials, let's get back to
the game. new england 14, seattle 14. it was time for the halftime show. nothing. nothing was missing from this halftime show. there was a giant tiger, a musical tribute to the shirts of guy fieri and two dancers who spent the whole day wondering should i tell my parents i'm going to be on tv during the super bowl? [ laughter ] i don't know. do they want to know? [ applause ] the halftime game ended and it was back to the football show. the seahawks led by 10 points in the fourth quarter but finally, for the first time in his life, something went right for tom brady and the patriots took the lead 28-24. but just as you thought it was over, seattle drove down to the patriots 1 yard line. everyone thought seattle would give the ball to marshawn lynch, which led to this internal monologue from coach pete carroll. "okay, i have three plays, a time-out and marshawn lynch. so, i should definitely run it, except if it's obvious to me, it's obvious to bill belichick. so i should pass. unless he only wants me to think it's obvious so that i'll run it. but, of course, the clever man
would make me think he was stopping the run to lure me into passing, so i should stick with the plan that i was planning all along. but why would a clever man cut off the sleeves of his sweatshirt? [ laughter ] maybe i've been dealing with a fool the whole time. i know what he won't expect. i'm going to punt. i'm going to punt. what, punt? that's crazy. what's wrong with me. i'm losing my mind. i'm going to run it. no, he's expecting that. crazy pass 44! we are going with crazy pass 44." [ laughter ] and with that, the game was decided. consensus after was that passing from the 1 yard line when you have marshawn lynch is like trying to kill someone with a gun by throwing it at them. [ laughter and applause ] worst of all, worst of all, marshawn not getting the winning touchdown robbed us of the disney world commercial where he looks into the camera and says, "it's none of your damn business where i'm going. get that thing out of my face." [ laughter and applause ] so, congratulations to the patriots. better luck next year, seahawks. only 86 days until the nfl draft. this has been "super bowl wrap-up." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night."
welcome back to "you be the ref." you've seen the play. you've watched the replays. now, let's see what the ruling on the field was. >> after review, the ruling on the field has been overturned to an incomplete forward pass. >> if you said "not a catch," congratulations. who knows? maybe one day, you'll be an nfl referee. [ cheers and applause ] kraft barbecue sauce has a whole new recipe, inspired by the old way of making things. starting with simple ingredients, ...like red ripe tomatoes. sweet molasses. and now with cane sugar. all slow-simmered. so go ahead, make pulled pork, wings, ribs amazing. things are changing at kraft. get inspired at kraftrecipes.com
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. you know, all the talk about super bowl commercials today got us here at "late night" thinking about how much we love slogans. for example, lucky charms, they're magically delicious. they are. apple, think different. sure. why not? maybelline -- maybe she's born with it. maybe it's maybelline. i know, i can't tell either. [ laughter ] so we got to thinking, couldn't everything benefit from a slogan? so we came up with some for you in a segment that we call "new slogans." ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: let's start with a slogan for flossing. flossing, there will be blood. [ laughter ] that's what you get for only doing it the two days before you go to your dentist appointment. oh, and by the way, your dentist can tell. up next, we've got a slogan for decaf coffee. decaf coffee, make it pointless,
make it decaf. [ applause ] i just like the way it makes my breath smell. [ laughter ] next, we have a slogan for baseball caps. baseball caps, you're not bald anymore with baseball caps. [ laughter and applause ] next, and bear with me on this. we have a slogan for a long-wined man named karl. so you know a guy named karl, right? and he just talks and talks and talks. and you're like, "hey, karl, i don't have time for all this conversation. i just want the short version. i have crimes to solve." so this would be the slogan you could use for a long-winded man named karl. long-winded man named karl -- break me off a piece of that chit-chat, karl. [ laughter and applause ] feel free -- feel free to use that slogan as many times a day as you need. and you should know we actually docked pay from the writer who wrote that one. [ laughter ] next we have a slogan for standing ovations.
standing ovations because the person in front of you already stood up. [ applause ] i don't really like the play, but i guess i'm not going be the only jerk who is not standing. next we have radiators. radiators, when you want the heat of a dying campfire and the noise of a construction site. is someone building a steel house next door? oh, wait, no. that's just my barely heat. [ light laughter ] next, we have car alarms. you know those, right? it's the alarm that your car has and it goes like, ee-ooh, ee-ooh, ee-ooh, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. all right, you guys know what that is, right? yeah. maybe do it one more time just so we can lock it down. ee-ooh, ee-ooh, ee-ooh, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. okay, great, so now we're all caught up? we all know -- leveled the playing field as far as this goes. all right, so now that we all know what they are, here -- because we do, right? i just want to make sure. seems like maybe one guy in the back is a little on the fence. somebody explain it to him. okay, here we go. so now let's see the slogan for car alarms.
car alarms, terrible against burglars, great against neighbors. [ applause ] next, we have bathroom stall doors. let's see their slogan. bathroom stall doors, i can still see you. [ laughter ] why is there a gap? why is that the only -- the only door with a gap? we should have one door with a gap. which one do you think? maybe the one that we see somebody with their pants around their knees? oh, yeah, that's the one. and finally, we have brookstone. let's see their slogan. brookstone, most of this stuff is actually vibrators. [ laughter and applause ] this has been new slogans, brought to you by wheaties, whose slogan is -- wheaties, it's just pieces of the box. we'll be right back with john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm jerry bell the second. and i'm jerry bell the third. i'm like a big bear and he's my little cub. this little guy is non-stop.
he's always hanging out with his friends. you've got to be prepared to sit at the edge of your seat and be ready to get up. there's no "deep couch sitting." definitely not good for my back. this is the part i really don't like right here. (doorbell) what's that? a package! it's a swiffer wetjet. it almost feels like it's moving itself. this is kind of fun. that comes from my floor? eww! this is deep couch sitting. [jerry bell iii] deep couch sitting! we lovchocolaty, creamy... with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey's is mine, yours, our chocolate. but now that we have the tempadjustable base,ile, it's even better. [evie] i go up...heeeeyyy... [alex] when i put my feet up on this bed, my stress just goes away. [announcer] visit your local retailer and discover how tempur-pedic can move you. drive that. spray this. wear this. shave that. be a man.
lift big. chug this. stare sexy. swing hard. smile cool. be a man. be a man. be a man. if you need to be told how to be a man, taco bell's triple steak stack isn't for you. steak. steak. and more steak. with cheese. on flatbread. only at taco bell. will go someplace they've pealready been.el where's the fun in that? it's time to find someplace new. book the hotel you want with the flight you want, and we'll find the savings to get you there. today, his doctor has him on a bayer aspirin regimen to help reduce the risk of another one. if you've had a heart attack, be sure to talk to your doctor before your begin an aspirin regimen.
there's a big difference between running a race and leading one. ♪ when you're in charge... ♪ you get to call the shots. ♪ how cool is that? ♪ the 2015 corolla. ♪ toyota. let's go places. urn down for what ♪ ♪ ♪ turn down for what ♪ ♪ turn down for what [all shouting] - oh, geez! - what is your problem? (ellen) that's me. comes a new comedy about best friends trying to have a baby, when one of them falls in love, and, uh,
i think there's a cranky grandpa. - there's no grandpa. - [groans] (ellen) well, now he's really gonna be cranky. announcer: one big happy, coming this march to nbc. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest tonight is an emmy award winning comedian. his critically-acclaimed show "last week tonight" returns for its second season sunday night on hbo. please welcome back to the show,
john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> fine thank you. >> seth: it's so lovely to see you. it's so lovely to have you back. >> it's lovely to be here. >> seth: because the last time i saw you was right before you got your whole show started. >> yes. >> seth: and now you're about to start a second season and you have not been used to having actual, like a break. because you were working on a daily show, "the daily show." >> "the daily show." the show that's on every day. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, so, yeah i was not used to the concept of a vacation or down time. >> seth: could you enjoy it? >> not really. i'm not cut out for it. [ laughter ] i feel like, you know, like when you see kids on a harness and they're released and they don't quite know what to do with their freedom yet. [ laughter ] that's what i felt like. i knew i should be running in woods somewhere, but instead i was just standing. >> seth: oh, that's very sad. >> trying not to hurt myself.
>> seth: this i think is a step in the right direction, maybe you disagree, but you have a different lead-in this year. you're on after "girls", right? >> yeah. >> seth: which is a comedy, a very funny one. >> yeah, definitely. >> seth: and last season you were on after a show on hbo called "the leftovers." >> that is true, which is like a one-hour voyage into the heart of human darkness. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] arguably one of the more depressing shows there's ever been on television. >> yeah, i mean it's good. >> seth: yeah, very good. >> but it's definitely depressing. >> seth: yeah. >> i watched all of it and i remember getting to the end of one episode and, you know, being pretty emotionally wrung out as the credits are rolling, and you're thinking, wow, definitely time for bed and if not sleep, staring at the ceiling. [ laughter ] and then he says, "coming up john oliver." i was like, "oh, no, no. i don't want that." and i'm me. [ laughter ] >> seth: that is very hard. >> yeah. >> seth: although maybe after "the leftovers" people would say, "god, i just need to laugh." >> just give me something. just give me a british guy making fun of things. [ laughter ] it doesn't have to be funny. just lull me to sleep. >> seth: yeah. you really could just turn the volume down and see if he moves
around. just that will even be nice. >> at least i can be confident he's probably not dead. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you watch the super bowl last night? >> yeah, of course i did. >> seth: all right. did you enjoy it? >> yeah because it's amazing. >> seth: yeah. >> i love everything about it including that halftime show, which is one of the weirdest things that has been vomited at a television screen. [ laughter ] it was -- i loved it. that was 30 minutes of power perry. >> seth: yeah, i know, she was outstanding. >> she left it all on the field. sharks, dancing beach balls, all of it. >> seth: here's what for me the part i'm most impressed with. if i had to sing in front -- and again, i don't have katy perry's voice. all right, never mind. >> oh, sorry, sorry. >> seth: no, seth, you do, you're great! >> i was letting the silence agree with that fact. yes, you're right. nobody does. >> seth: imagine i would be so terrified to sing in front of people and then the idea of like also crank me up in the air and swing me around. >> but when you come in on an animatronic lion and you leave
on a shooting star, you could -- you can fairly say, i just performed. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. i did a show. >> i just gave a show then. and what's amazing to me is -- is it true, the halftime at the super bowl is 30 minutes. >> seth: yeah, instead of 15. >> that really proves the nfl does not care about its players. because this is your showcase event and the players, you know their bodies are about ready to go out again after 15 minutes. to which we say to them, "wait. katy perry's not finished singing yet." [ laughter ] i don't know if you could possibly show that you have less respect for them than that. let perry finish her luminescent performance of "firework", marshawn. get on the exercise bike and loosen up. >> seth: a gutting loss for the seahawks. >> yeah. well, they brought it on themselves. >> seth: they did bring it. >> they literally have no one to blame but themselves. >> seth: but as a fan, you're helpless.
you have had some crushing losses in the past. what sort of advice would you give to the people of seattle today? >> well, it will never leave you. [ laughter ] >> seth: that pain -- >> it will destroy your life. it will always hurt. >> seth: hey, i don't want "last week tonight." this is way too "leftovers." [ laughter ] hey, you know what? [ applause ] >> death comes to all of us. we're dust in the wind of history. >> seth: yeah. in the end when you're on the deathbed, you probably won't even think of that part. you'll think of your family and stuff. >> that's it. no, look it's sports. you know, even though you know logically it shouldn't hurt as much as it does. it does and it hurts forever. >> seth: you had a rough world cup england/germany game. >> well, england/germany, yeah. two world cups ago. >> seth: right. >> i said to my wife before the game started, england playing germany. it was obviously not going to go well. and i said to her, look, this game i think is going to be bad.
so you should think about something to do afterwards because when it goes badly, you don't want to be around this. and so england got humiliated. and, like the final whistle sounded and i kind of just slumped. and she -- there was like an awkward pause. she said, "oh, you know, it's just a game. and, "i love you." and i said, "i need to go outside now." [ laughter ] and i walked. i went to central park and i walked around the park five times. it took 3 1/2 hours. i literally walked it off. >> seth: wow. >> i did what, you know, aggressive high school coaches tell 12-year-olds to do. "just get out there, walk it off!" i did. and it's still with me. because it never goes away. >> seth: it never goes away. >> it never goes away. [ laughter ] it will be with you forever, seattle. it will always hurt. [ laughter ] have you got over kurt cobain? no. this is the same. >> seth: this is the same. >> it's the same. >> seth: it's the same. >> it's the same thing.
>> seth: it's exactly the same. >> it's exactly the same thing. [ applause ] >> seth: although, at least he left you some music to listen to in this trying time. >> that's right. the only music here is the cries of disappointment in the seattle area. >> seth: you are a liverpool fan. >> i am. >> seth: and they were here last year and you got to meet -- they did an exhibition game in states and you got the meet them. go well? >> well no, it didn't go well. and i knew -- in my defense, i knew it wouldn't go well. i was really excited. these are my heroes. i love these men. i love them. [ laughter ] i absolutely love them. and someone from the club said, "do you want to come and meet them in the locker room afterwards?" and i said, "no, that's a terrible idea because i love them more than it is easy for me to articulate it to you." and then she took me down, and walked into the locker room. and it was empty but for loads of steam. and running water in the distance. and then the running water stopped and i thought, "oh, no, i've come in here at the worst possible time." [ laughter ] and at that very moment the
entire liverpool team, completely naked, emerged through the steam. somehow, in my mind in slow motion somehow. just waving a handless hello. [ laughter ] and it's changed. it's changed. my relationship's changed. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: definitely you want to time those things just right when you meet someone. >> you have to. you have to. you want to time it when someone is clothed at least from the waist down. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's true. well, i'm sure they always remember you as the weird guy who was in their locker room. >> oh they definitely do. just say, "nice to meet you. oh, look." [ laughter ] >> seth: well, thank you so much for being here. [ laughter ] thank you for your help. seattle thanks you. >> yeah. >> seth: john oliver everyone. "last week tonight" returns for its second season this sunday on hbo. we'll be right back with mike greenberg. [ cheers and applause ]
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our next guest tonight is the co-host of the popular sports talk radio show "mike and mike" which airs weekday mornings from 6:00-10:00 a.m. on espn radio and espn 2. he's also written a novel entitled, "my father's wives" which is in stores and online now. please welcome back to the show, mike greenberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> thank you. >> seth: thank you for being back. >> it is a pleasure to see you. and when i say that, i mean it literally. because usually when i'm here, my partner mike golic is sitting between us. >> seth: that's true. >> and so i have to sit like this. >> seth: yes. >> in the old days when we used to do letterman, my partner has lost 50 pounds. so i would literally sit like this. and then i gauged his weight loss each appearance on how far up i was able to come. but, so now to be able to sit like this is a delight. >> seth: right, well we're going to switch it for next time. next time you're both here, he can take the couch. >> i think that would be terrific and appropriate and far better for the show. [ laughter ] >> seth: the game last night. >> the game last night -- >> seth: we were talking back stage. >> i just heard your conversation with john. yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> well, here's what i love. and this is the beauty of sports and how much we care about it in this country and obviously john describing in other countries. at the end of the day, this was a football game. and there are people today who want to say that pete carroll made the worst decision in the
history of human civilization. and that he should not be fired, he should be arrested. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> that's the attitude that people are taking. you know what, god bless them for it because there is nothing in the world better than investing everything into something that means absolutely nothing. >> seth: right. [ laughter and applause ] well, the other thing i've always thought that's nice about sports, is the one thing -- no seattle fans can think this this morning. i'm miserable and it's my fault. >> right. >> seth: like when you love sports, at least you didn't do anything to screw it up. >> no, exactly. pete carroll did. he didn't give the ball to marshawn lynch. now very briefly, as i've spent the day thinking about it, there is some logic to throwing the pass. now, i personally loved your little explanation of his inner monologue. >> seth: yes. >> and i loved you line about him using a gun and throwing it. but at the end of the day, just very quickly, if it's second down and you have one time-out left, you are going to have to throw a pass somewhere along the line. so if you run the ball on second down and they stop you and have to call a time-out, then you have no choice but to throw the ball on third and fourth down.
so there actually is some rationale to throwing the pass where they did and when they did. but it was much more fun just to suggest it was idiocy and they deserve to be killed. >> seth: well, the other thing, and i want to get your take on how this game affects bill belichick's legacy. because belichick not calling the time-out -- >> yeah. >> seth: all the announcers, we forget this, but he actually, this is crazy, why isn't he calling a time-out? by not calling a time-out he sort of forced pete carroll to do more thinking. because if bill belichick had called a time-out, then pete carroll wouldn't have had to worry about it. it would have been 50 seconds left >> correct and not what we'll never know is whether bill actually thought that far ahead or if he just kind of froze in the moment after that crazy catch that kearse made. the thing about belichick is, his legacy now hangs by whatever comes out of this investigation. on our show, we call that whole deflate-gate scandal, we call it #shrinkage. >> seth: right. >> because at some point -- i thought it was a good title. i'll relate anything to a "seinfeld" episode. >> seth: yeah, sure, of course, yeah. and modernizing it with the hashtag is really a nice touch. >> wasn't that nice? and then primarily because no matter how professional a
broadcaster you try to be, the 12-year-old boy in you can only say "deflated balls" so many times before you lose it. so, belichick i think has put everything on the line. if it turns out that he didn't have anything to do with the deflated footballs, if you want to make an argument that he's the greatest coach of all time, you can do it. and if it turns out that he was lying and he willfully and knowingly was cheating and then lied to everybody about it, his reputation i think is destroyed forever. so there's a lot that will hang on the results of this report that we'll get some time in the next few weeks. but more important than that, whatever the actual discipline is i think would be comparatively meaningless to his reputation being destroyed. he's the son of a coach. i think that actually does matter to him. so i think that would be more important to him than anything. >> seth: we talked a bit on your radio show about marshawn lynch and the coverage of marshawn lynch. you are a fan of marshawn lynch. >> i love marshawn lynch. can i -- is that my camera? >> seth: yeah, go for it. >> leave marshawn lynch the hell alone, okay? [ cheers and applause ] let's start with this. the football media, all right,
that acts like they're woodward and bernstein. what exactly it is marshawn lynch is going to tell us that we so desperately need to know? >> seth: yeah. >> if you've spent any time around him or followed him at all, i don't think that he really has the secret to anything that we desperately need to understand. if he doesn't feel like talking, leave the man alone. it doesn't make any sense to go through the charade that they're going through. >> seth: i completely agree. audience, biggest audience ever. >> and yet it is understated. the numbers suggest that 62% of the people in this country did not watch the super bowl yesterday. i don't think that's even remotely true. who the hell are they? which 62% of the people did not watch the super bowl? seth, we love football in this country, i believe, more than anything. and i'll give you an example of what i mean. i believe most americans consider football tickets, regular season football tickets, an acceptable reason for missing a wedding, up to and including
first cousin. >> seth: yeah. >> funerals i think are questionable. >> seth: yeah, i think that's questionable. >> bar mitzvahs are a lock. >> seth: yeah. >> i think football tickets are an acceptable reason for missing a bar mitzvah up to and including your own. >> seth: wow. [ laughter ] >> so, that it would seem to me, we love football that much. i think if you fill in the blank, what is it we love in america more than football, the answer is nothing. i think we love nothing more. so how in the world did 62% of the country not watch this game? >> seth: i agree with you. but i think those 62% were probably reading books and you just wrote one. >> there's 9 people left in america that read books. i appreciate the thought. >> seth: but, you wrote a novel. this is not autobiographical, this is not nonfiction. this is a full novel. where did you get the idea? >> i got the idea purely randomly. i got the idea from a guy i met. i was seated next to him at a dinner, i had never seen him before and i've never seen him since and yet i stole his life story and i'm hoping to make a fortune on it. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's great.
>> but, the book is called, "my father's wives." >> seth: by the way, if he told you his whole life story, i'm glad you stole it like anybody at a bar who's like, "let me fill you in." >> "my dad was married six times." it's about a guy who his father left him when he was 9 years old and he went off and got married five for times. and the lead character jonathan doesn't want anything to do with him now. and now he's grown up his life is falling apart, his family is falling apart and he decides he needs to find out who is dad was. but because his dad has died, what he decides to do is go and find the five women that his father was married to after he left. and by doing that he figure out what his dad was. he figures out what he wants and he sort of figures out the meaning of life. so, that's what the story is. >> seth: well, that's great. and congratulations. i'm so impressed that with everything else you're doing you have time for this. really impressive. >> well thank you. i love how busy people perceive me to be. everyone says that. when do you find time to write? seth, i have a job that ends at 10:00 in the morning. >> seth: that's true. yeah. [ laughter ] >> i have nothing but time. [ applause ] >> seth: that's a good point. good point. you know what? now that you say that, it should probably be a little thicker.
>> i should have written a lot more books than this to be completely honest. >> seth: how many pages is this? now, this is 211. it should be longer. all right, mike greenberg, everybody. check out "mike and mike" weekday mornings from 6:00-10:00 a.m. on espn radio and espn 2 and pick up "my father's wives." available in stores and online. we'll be right back with music from kid ink. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm angela, and i quit smoking with chantix. my children always wanted me to quit smoking but i resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to work. but chantix helped me do it. along with support, chantix (varenicline) is proven to help people quit smoking. it gave me the power to overcome the urge to smoke. some people had changes in behavior, thinking or mood, hostility, agitation, depressed mood and suicidal thoughts or actions while taking or after stopping chantix. some people had seizures while taking chantix. if you have any of these, stop chantix and call your doctor right away. tell your doctor about any history of mental health problems, which could get worse while taking chantix or history of seizures. don't take chantix if you've had a serious allergic
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: tonight's musical guest is a multiplatinum selling hip-hop artist from los angeles. here to perform a mix of his smash hits "hotel" and "body language", please welcome kid ink. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i said baby yeah mustard on the beat i said why you over there lookin' at me ♪ ♪ while i'm with my girlfriend why you over there lookin' at me and my girlfriend ♪ ♪ let's take it to the hotel i said why you over there lookin' ♪ ♪ got a starin' problem are you coming i know you see my girl stop frontin' ♪ ♪ i could tell you up to a lil' somethin', hol' up i'ma play it cool
baby roll one ♪ ♪ while you make your way and get over here my girl ain't down then it's over ♪ ♪ just tell her that she look good when i'm over, yeah, hey in the first place ♪ ♪ pour one up baby don't be too thirsty groupie love ain't ever gon' work see ♪ ♪ girl's ain't loyal never keep it low key that ain't alright i'ma take a shot ♪ ♪ couple shots through the night tell a joke, keep it fun make her feel it's alright ♪ ♪ give you the game wholesale and bet a hundred that i take 'em to the hotel ♪ ♪ i said why you over there lookin' at me while i'm with my girlfriend why you over there lookin' ♪ ♪ at me and my girlfriend take it to the hotel i said we can take it ♪ ♪ let's take it to the hotel hey, hey i said we could take it take it to the hotel ♪ ♪ baby leave with me know i got a penthouse suite i said why you over there lookin' at me ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, elle varner. ♪ one time coming it's not that a lot that
you've been saying, whoa ♪ ♪ but i can tell from your body language i said, okay let's talk about it ♪ ♪ 'bout it is you 'bout it ♪ ♪ 'bout it let's talk about it 'bout it ♪ ♪ can we talk about it but you ain't gotta say too much you ain't gotta ♪ ♪ say too much i can read your body language you ain't gotta say too much, no ♪ ♪ i can read your body language said you ain't gotta say too much ♪ ♪ hate when you say that i play too much when i get too close i'mma touch that subject ♪ ♪ i can read yo' body nuff said now quit all that yappin' ♪ ♪ need less talk and a little more action ♪ ♪ now girl keep it g know you speak a lil freak i can hear it in yo accent ♪ ♪ said tell me can you understand my language ♪ ♪ if you tryna ride just stay in my lane ♪ ♪ there's no other way to explain it in layman forget who you came with ♪ ♪ it's not that a lot that you've been saying, whoa
but i can tell from your body language ♪ ♪ okay let's talk about it 'bout it is you 'bout it 'bout it ♪ ♪ let's talk about it 'bout it can we talk about it ♪ ♪ but you ain't gotta say too much you ain't gotta say too much ♪ ♪ i can read your body language you ain't gotta say too much ♪ ♪ i can read your body language it ain't hard to tell ♪ ♪ if you don't wanna take it too far, then well you better stop flirtin' and stop twerkin' ♪ ♪ so perfect 'cause it's workin' and that bang worth all the worship ♪ ♪ you been in yo' bag like birkin you never had it like this before me ♪ ♪ you ain't know, girl better read up on me you trying to get high got to re-up on me ♪ ♪ bein' stuck up gon' leave you lonely for the night we should leave ♪ ♪ before the light's on girl, i'm too on it's not that a lot that you've been saying, whoa ♪ ♪ but i can tell from
your body language said okay ♪ ♪ let's talk about it 'bout it ♪ ♪ is you 'bout it 'bout it let's talk about it 'bout it ♪ ♪ can we talk about it i said you ain't gotta say too much ♪ ♪ you ain't gotta say too much no, i can read your body language ♪ ♪ you ain't gotta say too much i can read your body language ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: kid ink. the album "full speed" is available now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
. ♪ >> carson: hey what's happening? my name is carson daly, thank you for being here. this is "last call" tonight, from queen of the night at the paramount hotel. got a great show for you, i'm going to tell you all about it. right now, in the "spotlight", we're going to break down the new buzzed about book, "dataclysm." for our music tonight, we have a legendary sludge act melivns preforming from the troubadour stage, which is cool. but first, you know we had megan amram on this show, a couple years back and she was talking about finding fame in the world of twitter. well, since then, she's gone on to write for "parks and recreation", and is here tonight to talk about her new book entitled, "science...for her." for more, let's head over to the federal bar and check in, again, with the very funny megan amram. ♪